On Teacher's Day, salutes to my first teacher

From FB: 

I had a few good teachers in life, but the boy I remember most as a teacher was a classmate nicknamed Kanchanjunga in 6th std. He was called this because he was miserly. Saved 10 paise every day, which annoyed all of us.

However, I remember him clearly, because one day, at lunch time, a bunch of us were sitting around and talking in class. Suddenly the conversation took a weird turn, and I could not understand any of it. The boys were talking about women - that I got, but they said several words unrelated. Someone was mentioning train engine pistons. A deep cave was brought up multiple times.

I became confused and was staring stupidly at them.

Now, Kanchanjunga could have minded his own business. Instead he asked me to come down to the school ground, where he kindly put his hand on my shoulder and started explaining the process of sex.

"You know how kids are born?" he asked me.

Dad and Mom hug each other, I said.

""No," he said, and mentioned a few details of female anatomy.

"On your first night," he said, "The first thing you do, you put your hands tightly over your spouse's mouth so she would not scream."

"Why would she scream?" I asked.

"Because sex is very, very painful," he said.

The process he described sounded something like a medical operation in the 1800s, done by a local butcher, without anaesthesia.

I was shocked, needless to say. I had thought all pain in my life was over since vaccinations were done.

I also understood why the boys upstairs were talking about engine pistons and the "cave".

I still remember staring out at the ground, at everyone playing and thinking how horrible life was. If I wanted to have children, it seemed I had to go through incredible agony.

"This does not sound right," I told Kanchanjunga. "God would not have created such a painful process for something so necessary for life."

He looked at me pityingly.

"You have no choice," he said. "And no escape."

So I spent many years frightened of the coming baby-creation duty, without knowing I had the very worst teacher in the world.

Homages to him on this day.